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When I was around eight years old, I used to have the same nightmare every evening. My parents could set the clock to it. At around ten o’clock, I would start sleepwalking around the house. I’d be completely upset and not know where I was anymore. It could take as long as a half an hour before I stopped crying and came to my senses again downstairs in the living room. My parents couldn’t figure out what I kept dreaming about or what was causing it, and I, I wasn’t able to explain it to them.
After a while, the nightmares started to go away, but never completely. In the 25 years that followed, this nightmare showed up again at least once or twice a year, usually when I was ill or had partied a bit too much with friends. The effect was exactly the same as in my youth. On many occasions I found myself sleepwalking, in a state of deep anxiety and panic.
What was that nightmare about? What I could not describe as a child, I can now find the words for, at least a bit. It was always the same dream, a dream with no real story line; in fact, it was more of a thought, an overpoweringly intense feeling. The worst thing that could happen had happened. It shouldn’t have, but now that it had, it was irreversible. And it was my fault. Forever and ever and ever, I would be in a void, in a kind of hell. Alone and separated from everything. But not just me. Everyone would forever be in that hell. Alone and separated from everything. Endlessly, in complete isolation, desperately lonely in the nothingness..
So you get just how completely overwhelming that feeling I kept having was, let me repeat it once more: it was my fault and it was irreversible.
Perhaps you can imagine that even just a hint of those feelings can be totally maddening. For years, I wondered what the meaning of the nightmare was. What could it possibly signify? In the beginning of my own awakening journey, I finally found out what it meant. It’s a feeling buried deep in my unconscious which determines much of my behavior.
It’s not only tucked away in my unconscious mind, however—it resides in all of us. I’ve discovered that the feeling is there because of an unconscious conviction. That conviction is the unconscious perpetrator of all the crap in the world. That deep conviction is related to our very existence.
It’s a belief about who we are and what we have done. Yet it is untrue…
Well, what did that nightmare mean? What conviction was my subconscious harboring? It is the conviction that I might have separated myself from the Origin, the conviction that I’ve left unity, the place of eternal bliss, love, and light in a willful moment, away from the consciousness in which everything is whole and perfect. It’s the conviction that I can’t go back anymore, that I am not allowed to go back anymore, so that I’m no longer in “heaven,” but must stay in “hell” forever. And because of that, I have this enormous, unconscious sense of guilt, so I experience suffering and pain.
These unconscious feelings of guilt reside not only in me, they’re in all of us; it’s a collective, unconscious guilt. And it expresses itself in all kinds of ways in the form of sadness, anger, fear, and loneliness. That’s why we experience suffering and pain, and why we, as humanity, are collectively making such a mess of things here on Earth at the moment.
That unconscious belief that you might have separated yourself from your Origin is the cause of our suffering.
But it is not true!
You can’t separate yourself from the Origin at all. Everything takes place within the consciousness that you are. You don’t have to go back, because you’re already there. One day, a moment will come when you are again completely in the wholeness of yourself, the place where only unity exists. But that’s not what you want to experience now, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You want to experience both your individuality and your unity at the same time. You now want to be here with your consciousness to make “heaven” out of the place you are now! Heaven on Earth. How? By living from within, and from there, resonating with yourself and your “surroundings.” By taking the journey to your origin and by living and creating from the inside out.
The Knowing, the coinciding with It, with the deepest part of your being, your Origin, is something you can only experience.
Words can act as pointers but you cannot give words to the experience. A visual like you are seeing now is of course also a very gross misinterpretation of Truth. But still it can act as a pointer to start understanding things intellectually. Intellectual understanding can be a gateway to experience.
Throughout history many enlightened beings tried to give words to it. In many cases this resulted in misinterpretation and dogma. And on the other hand side there are also many beautiful teachings who act as powerful pointers.
Twenty-five hundred years ago, Lao Tzu wrote about it wonderfully in the Tao Te Ching. When I really let his texts in and allow them to permeate me, they touch me deeply—that’s how moving they are.
This is the first verse of the Tao Te Ching:
The Way that can be walked is not the eternal Way.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the beginning of Heaven and Earth.
The named is the mother of all things.
Therefore:
Free from desire you see the mystery.
Full of desire you see the manifestations.
These two have the same origin but differ in name.
That is the secret,
The secret of secrets,
The gate to all mysteries.
I love these two sentences.
Free from desire you see the mystery.
Full of desire you see the manifestations.
When you don’t desire anything. When you are totally free, when you are not attached to anything and when you can fully sink into Presence what remains is your deeper essence. The love and light of the I AM.
On the other hand side every manifestation, everything that you can experience started with a desire to experience something. The whole of creation including you in it was born out of desire.
The front runners amongst humanity are now on the brink of going next level. The invitation to us all is to experience the mystery and the manifestations at the same time. To experience your individuality and your unity at the same time. To experience that you are the creator with a Capital C by aligning with your Origin and start creating from the inside out.
And that is the essence of what we are doing within purpose accelerator.